I’ve put off my Christmas shopping long enough. Let’s take care of this, so I can sneak in some holiday eggnog.
Here are my Christmas gifts for college football luminaries:
Lane Kiffin: A cat.
Jeff Landry: A headset.
Layla Kiffin: A guest appearance on “House Hunters.”
Keith Carter: A January free of yoga dates with his football coach.
Ben Garrett: Ludacris concert tickets.
DJ Lagway: Kiffin’s phone number.
Trinidad Chambliss: Another season of eligibility.
Pete Golding: Red meat and a cold one.
Mississippi fans: Mustard bottles.
Arvell Reese: A No. 1 handshake from Roger Goodell.
Fernando Mendoza: A No. 2 handshake from Goodell.
Diego Pavia: A WWE contract.
Heisman voters: Pavia’s highlight reel.
Nico Iamaleava: A Big Orange comeback.
Jacob Rodriguez: A guest appearance on “Landman.”
Ed Orgeron: A podcast.
Hugh Freeze: A birdie putt.
Brian Kelly: A par putt.
Billy Napier: A homecoming party.
James Franklin: A schedule with no big games.
Clint Dowdle: A victory lap.
Jimmy Sexton: A spot on the “College GameDay” panel.
Steve Sarkisian: Dinner with Desmond Howard.
Sherrone Moore: Robert Shapiro’s phone number.
Kenny Dillingham: A maize and blue hoodie.
Kalen DeBoer: Another black hoodie.
Eli Drinkwitz: A maize and blue hoodie, regifted from Dillingham.
Pat McAfee: A shirt.
Kirk Herbstreit: A year off.
Gus Johnson: A throat lozenge.
Arch Manning: A New York Times retraction.
Paul Finebaum: A 2028 election campaign.
Nick Saban: Advertising deals with Airbnb and Lowe’s.
Texas Tech: A playoff win.
Cody Campbell: A commercial during Texas Tech’s playoff win.
Curt Cignetti: A key to the city.
Lee Corso: Rose Bowl swag.
Kirby Smart: A third national championship.
Marcus Freeman: A starring role in the next “James Bond” movie.
Dan Lanning: A sidekick role in the next Chris Pratt movie.
Pete Bevacqua: The password to @ACCFootball on X.
The BCS rankings: A comeback.
The CFP selection committee: Best wishes on their future endeavors.
BYU Cougars: A 16-team playoff bracket.
Greg Sankey: A four-team playoff bracket.
Tony Petitti: A 300-team playoff bracket.
Purdue Boilermakers: A spot in Petitti’s 300-team playoff bracket.
Blake Toppmeyer is the USA TODAY Network’s senior national college football columnist. Email him at BToppmeyer@gannett.com and follow him on X @btoppmeyer.
